Swaping scars!
by stevieLUVSAlex
Summary: Pure fluffy Sam & Jack. HUMOR! lots of humor... please R&R. one-shot. :


_A/N: Okay, so this is how this fanfic began. My flat-mate Tootapanga was reading me some one-shots that some other FF writer had done, and was REALLY funny, whoever you are, the church scene was LAUGH YOU'RE A** OFF FUNNY. I hadn't written my own in a few months, because I'd been working on Bones, Castle and SVU, but I decided I wanted one. I needed an idea. So my flat-mate, gave me a list of HAVE-TO-HAVE and I created this piece._

_I was going for funny, but I'm not so great at humor, so let's hope you like it._

_Enjoy :)_

Jack O'Neill sat in the cafeteria, his feet propped up on the table, as he shoved another Razzle in his mouth. Red. Green. Blue. Orange. Yellow. He chewed for a moment before he pulled it from his mouth to discover the candy had turned to gum was now a brown color… like poo, he thought examining it closely.

"Sir?" that angel voice sat snapping his attention from the gum to her.

Sam Carter took a seat at the table across from him, and he instantly pulled his feet down. That was no way to behave in front of an angel.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked still eyeing the gum in his hand.

He popped it back into his mouth. "It's a Razzle. It's both a candy and a gum…" he grinned still slightly impressed by it.

Sam smiled wiping the sweat from her forehead. Geez, she could even make that look like an award-winning activity. Is there anything this woman could do wrong? "Well, you can keep your Razes; I could go for a Vodka Cruiser!"

"Razzles," he corrected her holding up the almost-empty packet. "I didn't know you'd be into lolly drinks, Carter. I figured you more for a _Jack Daniels_ kind of girl mix it with a little blue Jell-O."

"Depends on my mood," she answered with a twinkle in her eye. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Sir."

Jack laughed. "Yeah, I'd be interested in how many scars you have, Carter."

"Twenty-four."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

Sam shrugged. "I get out a lot."

"I gotta see this," he stood from the table and took her hand dragging her away from the cafeteria and towards his Quarters. She said nothing as he closed the door to his room. But he saw evidently that she was uncomfortable with it.

"I'm not going to grope you, Carter. Unless you ask me to," he teased. Sam stepped back. "I'm kidding. It was a joke, relax. I want to compare scars. For fun…"

Sam nodded. "Who first?"

"I'll go," he offered. He dropped his pants, stepped out of them and stretched his left leg, showing off the thick white scar that showed up on the back of his upper thigh.

She leaned down to have a closer look. "Does it hurt?"

"Sometimes," he said.

Sam kissed her finger and pressed it to that spot on his leg.

Jack laughed.

"You ain't seen nothing yet," Sam said sliding her red shirt over her head to reveal her black lacy bras. Jack's eyes widened in appreciation. She was better than an angel. She pointed to her lower back, where a scar spread across the small of her back. He gawked at it in awe.

"Wow…" he couldn't stop staring at the beautiful shape of her body. "I'm impressed."

Sam turned back and smiled at him. The sound of movement outside in the corridor caused them both to jump. Sam grabbed the nearest clothing and shoved her arms in, while Jack pulled his legs into the holes of the material.

The door swung open before, either of them realized that they'd taken the wrong piece of clothing. Jack had put his legs into Sam's red top, making them resemble bike shorts, while Sam had pulled her arms into the leg holes of Jack's pants, revealing her black lacy bra to the intruder.

"Woh," Daniel cried instantly averting his gaze to the wall. "Holy Hannah. I think I walked into an Alternate reality. Sorry," he muttered bolting for the door and slamming it quickly behind him.

Sam looked at Jack, and they both giggled like school kids.

"We are in SO much trouble…" Jack laughed as they opened the door and waltzed back down to the cafeteria.

"Indeed," Sam agreed nodding her head. The situation struck them both as funny, and Sam giggled again. "Oh, yes Indeed we are Indeed in trouble," she said mocking.

"Teal'c?" Jack guessed

"I didn't want him to feel left out," she shrugged. "Since he's still on bed-rest from today's bullet when you shot."

Jack grinned. "He won't."

"What makes you say that, Sir?"

"Daniel has probably gone straight to Teal'c to relay what he saw, and Teal'c will listen and raise that eyebrow of his."

"Daniel will be having nightmares for years, Sir."

"Oh come on, Carter, you're not ugly."

Sam shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"I got another idea," Jack grinned taking Sam's hand again, this time dragging her into Daniel's Quarters. He quickly shut the door.

"Sir?" Sam questioned. "What are we-?"

"Shhhh," Jack hissed spinning around to hush her, his hand hit something and dropped to the ground. He heard it crash before he looked down to see one of those devices that Daniel was always playing with.

"Oh no, Sir," Sam's face grew serious as they both looked down at the artifact.

"Think we could exit the room and pretend we were never here…" he bit his bottom lip nervously. It was a piece of metal. Why was junk so important to Daniel anyway. "The wind?" he suggested.

Sam shook her head. "There's no window in here, Sir."

Jack shrugged. "Let's get the hell out of here."

The two exited the room quickly and in the corridor, Jack felt himself on top of the world, he took another chance and leant over to press his lips to Carter…

Jack gasped bolting to a sitting position. _It figures_, he thought to himself, _any moment like that has to be a dream where Carter is concerned_. Damn, he dropped his head back on his pillow. Thank God for that. Jack wasn't sure that breaking Daniel's priceless artifact would have gone down too well when he finally found it. Jack groaned remembering. Nope, that part was definitely real.

Blame it on the Dog… was there any place on STARGATE where he could find a dog, even a replica of one would be fine, he thought long and hard as he drifted off to sleep.

"JACK O'NIELL?" A voice boomed loudly bolting him awake again. It was Daniel Jackson.

No, Jack urged himself silently, close your eyes and pretend you're asleep.

_I hope it wasn't too terrible to sit through. Lol_

_Press me, press me, press me… the lil review button is calling out your name :)_


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